Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Regarding the previous video
for some reason its not playing to whole video.....im working on it....my computer skills are limited...haha....it seems to be missing over half of it.....ugh.....bare with me....
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
6 weeks today.....
Well where has time gone? I still think we are is total shock that Kaden is gone....shock or is it that we don't wanna accept that we are no longer able to hold, cuddle, kiss, dress, bath, feed and the list goes on and on and on......I have not touched a single thing in his room. Everything is as I left it the day I took him to emerg for the last time. I thought the other day that Id be able to unpack the last bag I packed for him to head to the hospital....well....first I pulled out his med/feed schedule and then there it was....his last pair of sleepers he ever wore...well that ended that I quickly folded them up and placed them back in the bag and slid the bag under the highchair. There it sits and there I sit wondering when and if and how I'm going to be able to unpack that bag.....I cant wash his clothes that are in the hamper or even throw out the syringe that lays on his crib.....all things that in time. I'm sure ill be able to do it but I'm nowhere near ready to deal with that......some people may think 'whats the big deal?' but all I have to say to that is if you haven't been there you really have no idea......losing a child is something u cant even begin to understand unless you've been there.....and its bad enough that we have had to watch other people with their healthy children doing their thing and feeling like I'm in some weird club that I'm the only member to but now we have to be apart of this new group of 'losing a child'.....how unfair is life really? I guess really unfair as Paul and I are living proof of that.....
Elle is doing much better ....she has battled her fair share of illness in the last 6 months or more. She just got out of hospital a week ago and is doing great so far....unfortunately I had to take her into emerg on the anniversary of Kadens death so dealing with that and being in the same room in emerg as Kaden was that last time and having nurses and doctors saying their condolences cause they had just heard was very hard. Thankfully one of the docs that had been taking care of Kaden in some of his last days was on so she was so kind as to speed us through without all the questions that are normally answered......i am soooo grateful to her for that....so so grateful.....so anyways Elle is doing great...smiling, off oxygen and so insanely cute that I just wanna kiss her all day....and sometime I do because I need to enjoy every moment I have with her cause life is just so uncertain.
Elle is doing much better ....she has battled her fair share of illness in the last 6 months or more. She just got out of hospital a week ago and is doing great so far....unfortunately I had to take her into emerg on the anniversary of Kadens death so dealing with that and being in the same room in emerg as Kaden was that last time and having nurses and doctors saying their condolences cause they had just heard was very hard. Thankfully one of the docs that had been taking care of Kaden in some of his last days was on so she was so kind as to speed us through without all the questions that are normally answered......i am soooo grateful to her for that....so so grateful.....so anyways Elle is doing great...smiling, off oxygen and so insanely cute that I just wanna kiss her all day....and sometime I do because I need to enjoy every moment I have with her cause life is just so uncertain.
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